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Big Book
- Chapter Seven - “Working With
Others” (page 96): “Suppose
you are making your second visit to a man.
He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the
Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having
had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.
Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell
his story ...” We
find reference to Doing the Third Step with your new man and offering to HEAR
his Fifth Step. All the references
in Chapter 6 to doing it with non alcoholics are there because there was no
Fellowship - the book was for “mail order” sobriety; it was hoping you,
the reader, would begin to “create the Fellowship you crave.” In
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill
writes on Step Five: “We
shall want to speak with someone ... who has not only stayed dry...”
and “Until we talked with complete candor of our inner conflicts, and
had listened to someone else do the same, we still didn’t belong.” Here
we find more information along the same lines, encouraging us to HEAR a Fifth
Step so we can “belong.” It is
our opinion that the “Step process”
is incomplete without HEARing at least one Fifth Step.
Little is written in our “textbooks” on this, so we are sharing here
a course of action that has worked effectively for us. In
our view, to qualify, it helps to have done a 4th & 5th Step (&
preferably not stopped there!). We
have met many who have avoided this opportunity (responsibility) for Spiritual
growth through fear, laziness or disinterest.
Another often used “reason” for not hearing a Fifth Step is something
like: “Well, I really don’t know him that well.” That can be turned to an advantage in the fact that you can
be even more objective, which is defined as impartial, fair or unbiased.
Of course, when this process is done, you will know him (her) as a
reflection of yourself! We could write pages (maybe a book) on how we are “all cut
from the same cloth” and “tarred with the same brush.” These are experiential conclusions that will come after
you have heard a Fifth Step. We
are doing more than just hearing. We
believe that we are asking to be a “channel” for God in this highly personal
aspect of another persons recovery. It
is an attempt to get “ourselves out of the way” for as long as it takes.
We are not being asked to “play the role” of doctor, minister,
psychiatrist, judge or counselor. In fact, it’s a good idea to qualify ourselves out loud
that we DO NOT possess these qualifications.
Merely one alcoholic with another alcoholic attempting to get
closer to Him by DOing the Steps. Praying
for Guidance and Direction, we “set the stage” by taking the phone off the
hook or turning the ringer off. If
there is a likelihood of knocks on the door, leave a note asking not to be
disturbed. Together, we pray to
have God join us, to bring about this “channel” state of consciousness.
We pray for our hearts and minds to be open, that we be given whatever is
necessary to accomplish our individual roles. Ask
if you may take notes. Ask if you
may give “feedback.” Most
people are pleased that we are willing to make more of an effort than “just
listen.” Notes help us for
several reasons; we don’t have to keep trying to remember stuff, which allows
more of our undivided attention. We
will, with no seeming effort, often be able to detect patterns of behavior that
“just seem to appear” from these notes.
Often certain words will “leap out” and form the basis of a “Step 6
& 7 list.” We make certain
that they know the notes will become their property as soon as we are done. The
“feedback?” If we are trying to
be like a “conference call to God” then just do what “feels” right.
We gently share what has been “revealed” to us in the HEARing.
It may seem prudent to ask: “ Is there any last dirty rotten little
secret that you are withholding and will take YOU to the grave?” Moving
toward “Trusting God” is an experiential process. To quote a line from the Big
Book on page 63: “He provided what we needed if we kept close to Him and
performed His work well.” When
done, we pray together in the Spirit of Thankfulness for this priceless
opportunity to clean house, “live out loud” for perhaps the first time in
our lives, and move another Step along the Path.
Next, the questions on page 75 of the Big Book “Returning home ...”
are answered. (Again: the Big Book
was written for “mail order” sobriety - there was no Fellowship.) At
this point, we allow the “giver” of the 5th Step the opportunity to decide
if they would like to perform a “ceremonial burning” of the paperwork
(including notes but excluding Step 6 and 8 “lists”).
If these have not been organized, we let this be the opportunity to do
so. Regardless of what course is
decided, we, as the HEARers of Step 5, thank the “giver” for their trust and
dedication to action. We ask that
we be called if “more is revealed” and openly share in their exhilaration as
the dark burdens are lifted. Time?
Step 5 takes as long as is takes. We
usually set aside the entire day, so there is no haste to be “done” at any
certain time. We do all that we can to avoid rigidity and expectations.
We Trust God with the rest. If
we need to eat, we eat. If we need
to rest, we rest. Sometimes it
“feels right” to take a break. We
must remind ourselves often that this Step is a process that means the
difference between life and death - or insanity / incarceration; between
happiness and misery; between isolation and a sense of unity. Results?
What we experience is very individual, so we try not to “set ourselves
up” with a list of expectations. Generally,
the “giver” feels a very strong sense of relief and the “hearer” feels
tired and spiritually energized at the same time.
Please remember, there’s no such thing as a BAD Fifth Step for either
party if this is approached from a Spiritual Perspective.
We remind ourselves that this is a very individual experience. Specific
results for those HEARING 5th Steps are: a sense of belonging, a spiritual
reminder that we are more alike than different, and a deeper sense of
commitment, understanding and effectiveness.
Prejudice becomes transformed into compassion, and the power of “shared
suffering” cuts through resentment with ease.
This can be a landmark on the road to spiritual humility; by placing
ourselves in God’s Hands we begin to truly experience “freedom from the
bondage of SELF.” It’s about Spirituality . It’s about Brotherly Love. It’s about Compassion. It’s about Understanding. It’s about Love. It’s about the ‘magic’ of one alcoholic with ANother alcoholic. It’s about Forgiveness. It’s about God. It’s about the preparation to be of Service to others and ...
JUST
HEAR IT! It
is “an experience YOU MUST NOT MISS !”
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